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Gordon-TheExpert
*CHEAT SHEAT HAS SPACING ISSUES; SORRY FOR DIFFICULT READING* (BE SURE TO LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR MY "CHEAT SHEET")Well, it's good to know SOMEONE is interested in what I have to say. First, let me just say, this is only a small fraction of my knowledge. In the case of zombie apocalypse, call all family members to check their status. As always, a meeting point is crucial. If there is a community checkpoint set up, be sure your family and (/or...) friends can reach that (somewhat) safely. The supplies you carry should be identical to that of a natural disaster: flashlight, long-lasting food, water, first aid kit, radio, cell phone or other communication device, and more. The difference? Your kit includes lethal weapons. Find someone you trust who can operate the gun you have (it could be you, smarty). I'd recommend portable but effective; any pistol, Uzi, SMG, or the effective shotgun would help. An assault rifle could work too. This isn't Left 4 Dead or something, so no sniper rifles. You won't be needing or wanting a noisy and bulky long-range weapon. Gas is needed for vehicular travel, but cars or trucks need other extra precautions, too. Be sure everything is currently working right, good speed, somewhat reliable and durable, etc. Don't use a motorcycle. Let's see how hot your girlfriend thinks you are when you are a zombie. Kitchen knives, bats, anything you could use to knock out or kill a human should be suitable for eliminating a zombie. A shot to their head is most effective. A common misconception is that a zombie is a "horror monster". This is wrong. If you've ever been sick, it's like that. The zombie infection is simply a hideous virus affecting humans the way rabies infects animals, only with slower speed, more flesh, and faster-applying. Sorry, but a bite cannot be cured. Show no mercy to friends, or family, if they are a zombie. Their love is only when they are alive and have a soul. This virus means they are like a puppet on strings, a dead body simply with a virus. They won't ever know or remember you ever again. So, the most mercy you should show is a round to the forehead. High elevation is key. Don't know how to use a gun? Look it up. Now is the time. Don't have a weapon (not even a baseball bat or knife? Pff! The weapon should be REAL, stupid. Airsoft guns, BB guns, Nerf guns, those don't count, even though they rock)? Look up FPSRussia on YouTube or Twitter. A gun expert, the over a billion viewers (Total. I said viewers, not subscribers) can agree he is the ultimate zombie safehouse. His great gun knowledge and resources make him epic. Be a creep and find out where he lives (doubt it's Russia currently), and whoever gets there second (me first, duh) and so on until 90th will make it! That was a lot. Here's your zombie cheat sheet: DO: DON'T: -Bring safety supplies -Call family members -Show mercy to the undead -Go to a high but easily escaped location - Be a noob -Be careful -Be some drama queen andbetray everyone -Use portable weapons -Argue -Contact me -Waste supplies -Go see FPSRussia -Use explosives (a noisy last resort) -Use this sheet -Try to use the internet (not for porn or YouTube, for contact) -Visit the poster (VERY HELPFUL, but I didn't copy info): VISIT THAT POSTER!!!!!!!! IT HELPS A LOT! -Aim for the head, the only effective method to kill a zombie. If not, aim for stomach area or the groin/legs. Anywhere but the head only slows them -Use anti-vehicle weapons -Make unnecessary sacrifices -Take unnecessary risks, or try to look cool during the chaos -Give up. Keep trying until rescued -Be the world's biggest hero (certainly help as much as safely possible, but don't get desperate) -Use ranged, loud, bulky, or ineffective weapons -Incineration is not an option! Sorry, flamethrower fanatics and World War wanabees, but the contagion WILL spread through air -Camp nearby any eliminated zombies. A simple sanitary issue that is similar with deceased humans -Stay in a zombie-infested area. Even the "now dead" ones are risky. Wow, that's a lot more 'DON'T's than there are 'DO's! Oh well. It's true. FOR MORE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS, CONTACT ME! -Gordon
Latest page update: Feb 7 2012, 7:16 PM EST
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