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steveo_justice
Lookout it's STEVEO JUSTICE! Stee-vee-oh, not that Steev-Oh gaywad from Jackass. Well I looked at some peoples profiles and it seems like everyone fills them up with random ass bullshit about boring, no-duh equipment (toilet paper, some mall-hiker gear, etc.) HERE are all of the items anyone cares about, and that you cant just take for granted. If you would take anything other than this, you are wrong. Period. Weapons: Primary: AK/47. This weapon fires a prefectly reasonable and very widespread 7.62mm round. It is extremely durable, and replacement parts are widespread. It also never jams, and 40 round mags are common, which is cool. Whats that, M-16 series pussyboy, you want accessories? How about you get out your freaking Jointer and drill a Hole to put a Rail into? Or you could just freaking GLUE an M204 onto it, which is stupid because grenades dont work on Zs. I would use a bullpup version, shown below, which is basically the same thing but shorter. You can modify a normal A/K to this layout in just a few minutes with a saw, a pistol grip, some string and epoxy.   Secondary: Glock 21. No contest -- the Glock 21 fires a nice ballsy .45 ACP round, is light-er weight, never jams, and holds 15 rounds. it can also be accessorized. Absolutely nothing beats all that. Plus, it is widespread and can be fully or partially replaced. I would also bring along my .44 mag, for two reasons. While it is several pounds heavier than the Glock and only fires six bullets, the bullets will land exacly where they are pointed, and will completely and wholly crippple a zombie if it strikes anywhere besides the lower arm. We're talking a bullet truly ridiculous in its stopping power here.   (Follow the link, dumbass.) I mean, just LOOK at this guy. he literally took his gun and buttfucked it and it still kept killing stuff! I mean, dude, he compared it to a .45 USP and it busted with the first dunk in a bucket of sand. Moral is, the Glock 21 is second only to the AK/47 in manly toughness, and thats only because he dropped the Glock out of a plane and the rounds in the magazine got all deformed and wouldn't shoot (the gun didn't). Melee: Crowbar, plus a Kukuri. Gordon freeman was right -- a crowbar is easy to use as a weapon, because the slightly curled end can be used for stabbing, and the fully curved claw can be spiked through the top of a Z skull, the thinnest part, byu using a simple "chopping" motion. It can also be used to pull one's self up onto the top of an object, bench press, carry items, and more importantly bust open shit. I was going to bring a wakizashi but booted it for a Kukri, which offers more cutting power than a wakizashi or katana in much less length because it broadens at the end. In fact, it entirely negates the point of bringing an axe for any reason. For very close quarters, a simple framing hammer would be preferred. Framing hamers are around 6 inches longer than the hammers most people have in their garages, and also have a larger head and longer spike, so one can easily gain enough energy to peirce the top of a skull in close quarters using one. The one I have and would bring has an even bigger ead and none of the stupid frills as the one in the pic, but you get the general premise.     Oh Yeah. Gear, in addition to all the normal crap (food, hygene, etc): -Walkie talkies, CV radio, assorted communications stuff; -Road Flares and Fireworks, for signaling; -Extra gas and styrofoam cups, both as extra fuel and for making napalm; -Plenty of hard liquer, which, when left in the bottle, functions both as nutrients and a mean Molotov cocktail; -A Guitar, which I play very well; -A power generator; -TV, game console and Laptop computer, as I will be in a large pickup truck with freinds while fleeing; -Construction tools, fishing gear, backpacks, flares... the aforementiones "no duh" equipment; -An Anti-Negativity (TM) helmet:  Part of my plan here would be to wait for a few months after the zombie apocolypse began, and then loot some of the dead riot police which would be inevitably lying around in massive heaps downtown. There's your kevlar, right there. Transportation: I would use a large Deisel pickup truck (or two) for transportation, with bikes as a backup. Some would call this foolish (Max Brooks, again), as the trucks are large and difficult to maneuver in small spaces. However, they could tow anything at literally ANY speed (we take an RV over the pass at 80 miles per hour -- the cops can't catch us for speeding because THEIR CARS DON'T GO THAT FAST BITCH!) You could also weld on some spectra sheilds from the riot police as improvized armor. The Most Important Item:  For Badassnessocity. The ladies may form an orderly que in front of my bedroom door. Or rather: One at a time or aallll at once makes no difference to me!
Latest page update: Yesterday, 9:55 PM EST
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