Clearing without the Cleanup: A cleaner, cheaper way to deal with zombies (By DevilNuts)

Run out of ammo? Saving your last precious few rounds for the roving bandits who promised to return for the rest of your food in a few days? Still have dozens of undead walking the streets that need dealing with? No problem. I'm going to show you my procedure for quickly, quietly and safely** neutralizing zombies, and avoiding the mess as well. Enjoy!!

**These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA
1) Gear: For this Operation, you will need:

* Heavy clothing.


For example, welder's protective clothing, carhart work clothes, or anything that will survive a scratch or two. Heavy work gloves are a MUST.

2) Plastic shopping bags. Cheap, lightweight, easy to find. You will need lots of them.



You will be using three or four of these per zombie, so make sure you bring enough to go around.

3) Duct Tape. You should be able to find a few rolls of this in every store, every office building and every house on the planet. If not, then use another kind of tape. (The point here is to secure the bags around the head, which I'll get to in a minute. )


4) Cordless Power Drill.


This part is actually optional. I understand that there may not be much battery life left in your drill, you may need it for other things or you may not have been able to find one at all! It's okay, there are other options:

Hammer and spike, Or a spiked hammer also works.



Starting to see where I'm going with this?

5) A few friends.

The optimal number of friends will vary based on the location you are working, and of course the workload (number of Zeds that need cleaning up). For one team, either indoor or outdoor I would use five (5). Two men for pinning, one to wrap and tap, and two to haul the body away (carry and/or drive).






Guys like this are probably the best choice,
But you're gonna want to ask them to leave the
dead bird at home.... it's rather creepy.




Here's How this Works:

1) Your two largest/strongest team members are your "pinners." They will take your zombie down from both sides, and pin it to the ground using sheer body weight and leverage to keep it trapped. If you want to pin it down using a plank of wood, blanket, cargo net, whatever you think will work better, be creative and see what works best. The main thing to remember here is to be careful! The purpose of the heavy clothing to to be able to survive a scratch, and god forbid, a bite. This is a dangerous job, so always use caution.

2) Your third person will be your Tapper, or your Wrap and Tap. He will throw a few plastic bags over the zombie's head, and secure them around its neck with duct tape. It is important to secure the bags with the tape to avoid a mess, but if you aren't too concerned with messiness then by all means, skip the tape and even the bags altogether if you like.

The next step is to take the power drill (or spike) and go straight through the head, into the brain and scramble his eggs good. The bag should prevent most of the splatter, but you will still want to wear protective gear just to be on the safe side.

Once he stops twitching, throw another bag over his head and tape it again. You now have a dead, mushy-brained zombie with no ammo expenditure and very little mess to clean up.

NOTE: It has been suggested that crushing the head* inside the plastic bags instead of drilling or spiking will reduce the mess even further and prevent possible spillage. Personally, I feel that smashing human heads all day would be a bit macabre, but admittedly not much more so than drilling into them. At the end of the day, you do what works best.

*Thanks Borathian for the input.

3) Have the fourth and fifth man of the team grab the body and take it outside, or if you alre already outside, throw it in a truck or wheelbarrow, etc. and move to your dump location.

Simple, right? It is. But there are a few things to remember:

* Never let your guard down. Once you have a system worked out, try to stick to it. Keep it simple, and do what works best.
* Always communicate with your team. They can't help you if they don't know there is a problem.
* NEVER try to take on more than one zombie at once. Lure them away from each other, do whatever you have to do. But zombies can only be wrapped one at a time.
* That fourth and fifth man are there for support. If you need them, use them to help pin.
* BUNDLE UP!! Protective clothing will save your life when using this method. Don't skimp just because it is hot outside.

And the most important thing to remember:

* KNOW YOUR LIMITS. Zombie wrangling is a very physically demanding task. Every man on the team is exerting himself physically, so be alert to signs of exhaustion, dehydration, heat stroke, etc. Make sure you take frequent water breaks, and don't try to clean up the whole city in one day. If you are tired, don't be afraid to say it. Because one fatigued muscle could spell disaster for the whole team.

Good Luck, and Stay Alive.