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Improvised Weaponry
The theory of the improvised weapon
To put it lightly, sometimes stuff just doesn't go as planned.
Not everyone sits at their desk decked out in a full chest rig with a Glock, extra ammo, and three folding knives. Nor does everyone keep a loaded .40 with Federal Hydra Shock in their desk drawer or a massive knife collection on the back wall. Some people just aren't able to instantly access their weapons in case of immediate danger. Likewise, after the apocalypse you might end up with your weapons lost or destroyed and forced to defend yourself with whatever's at hand.
There have been a great many discussion threads about improvised weapons and how you'd defend yourself if zombies burst into your room right now. While many posts include firearms and knives, even more involve random objects quickly thrust into battle. This page is for those people who don't have access to true weapons in a time of need.
How to pick your weapon
Obviously the fact that you're using an improvised weapon means you don't have much choice in the matter; as they're not designed as weapons they're inherently going to be inferior in killing or stopping an assailant (human or otherwise) compared to a purpose-built weapon. However, there's still a few things you should look at when scanning a room for potential weapons. This can be hard to do under pressure, so practice entering an unfamiliar room (maybe have your friends scatter items randomly around) and timing yourself to try and pick objects that could be decent weapons in a pinch.
Weight: While you don't want to pick something so heavy that you're unable to lift it and swing it easily, blunt weapons are especially dependent on weight. A weapon that's too light won't be able to effectively damage the skull.
Materials: When you're looking at any kind of weapon, the material is important. Generally plastic household items are designed for light weight and strength in their daily usage, which makes them poor in any capacity that requires force. Wood is durable, but extended use can make it prone to cracking and breaking (though obviously you shouldn't be using it that much if it's improvised!). Metal is often a good bet, especially for smashing weapons.
Shape: Are you able to hold and swing the weapon easily? Something wide, flat, and heavy will be awkward at best even with both hands. At the same time, is the shape especially conducive to damage? A weighted end will be great for smashing bone, while a sharp point can cause nasty injuries.
Size: Size is often lumped together with weight, but this is not totally accurate. An object could be light and massive, like a cardboard cutout of a movie star. An object can also be heavy and very small, like a paperweight or gold brick. Even a lightweight large object can be awkward to hold and swing, and especially light objects find a new problem: air resistance. Try picking up a poster board and swinging it at full strength and you'll feel the air resistance pushing back.
Examples of improvised weapons
Scissors
Scissors are a weapon that commonly come up in discussions about improvised weapons, especially schools. Scissors certainly look like they're begging to be stabbed deep into zombie skull, but look closer at the blades: not a very sharp point on many models (especially the ones common in homes and schools) and a blade that would be considered uselessly dull on a knife or hatchet. As a stabbing weapon, scissors work best if stabbed up through the underside of the jaw into the bottom of the brain. Pick a model with relatively long blades for this task. If possible, remove one blade and sharpen it to form a pseudo-knife when lacking a real knife.
Obviously, stay away from safety scissors; attempting to use the plastic-covered blades is like trying to stab with a sheathed knife.
Pen
Pens are another seemingly ideal weapon: simple to use, apparently sharp and thin enough to stab through the temple, extremely common, and small and light enough to carry multiple spares. Pens can be quite fragile when stabbing through something as hard as bone; cheap one-piece pens designed to be used and thrown away are at a great risk of bending, making stabs almost impossible after one or two hits, while click pens like the one seen to the left are a collection of loose parts held together in a stiff plastic casing. Click pens are less likely to bend, but the fragile mechanism can be jammed open or closed by a hard stab. While stabs to the eye are a popular method for amateur users, the eye is a very small target on a moving head. Stab upwards through the underside of the jaw into the brain or through the temple if planning on using them as a weapon.
Pencil
Pencils are arguably the most common weapon described in classroom self-defense plans, for the good reason that they're sharp and literally all over the place in school. While an unsharpened tip is hardly dangerous to any living creature larger than a dog, a sharp pen is a wicked point that can easily cause injury. It's rumored that a CIA self-defense method involves clutching a pencil between the fingers and stabbing up through the underside of the jaw into the brain. Pencils have one severe disadvantage over pens, however: breakage. A relatively puny 4th grader can effortlessly snap a pencil's thin wood body in half with their bare hands, while sharp tips are known to break off when faced with stress far less than that caused by stabbing through bone. If you've got nothing else, make sure to carry plenty of spares. Like with pens, don't bother with eye stabs.
Mechanical pencils are structurally stronger due to their plastic construction, but the sharp wood and graphite tip is replaced with a thin cylinder of graphite that takes almost no pressure to snap -- a single push from your pinky is enough. A mechanical pencil will act much like an unopened click pen: not very well.
Toilet lid
The lid from a toilet cistern earned a prominent place in zombie fighting history when Columbus used one in Zombieland to kill a zombie in his dorm room. These lids are made of heavy porcelain, thick and weighty enough to smash skulls with a few hits. Their weight also makes them a chore to carry around, so ideally you would be able to drop it for a superior weapon quickly. Also remember that just because it's thick doesn't mean it's not porcelain; dropping it or whacking it against a solid object (such as missing a swing and accidentally hitting a wall or the ground) can risk smashing it.
Weights
Weights earned their place when they appeared in Dead Rising as a skull-smashing killer. Dumbbells are the most practical weapons in this category, ranging from 3 to 100 pounds. Smaller dumbbells are faster to swing, while heavier ones cause much more damage. If you frequent the gym or your school's weight room, pick a weight that can be swung and twisted with your wrist fairly easily while also having enough weight to cause damage (do NOT test this by swinging it at imaginary enemies unless you like causing property or person damage!).
Barbells are a different matter, as they're exclusively two-handed polearms. The bar alone can weigh 45 or 50 pounds, making it slow and unwieldy for the majority of users. Their length also makes them difficult to use indoors. Adding weights to increase the damage will only make them even slower to swing.
If your gym provides disc weights, the best way to use them is to hold them like a Frisbee and smash them edge-first into the temple. If you try to throw them like a discus you'll quickly find that they're not particularly easy to connect with and likely won't hit with enough force to cause more than minor wounds.
Chain
Chains, especially bicycle chains, have earned a notorious reputation for their use in gang fights and beatdowns. Chains are far too varied to easily generalize, but one commonality is that they're generally not effective at causing the kind of skull damage to destroy the brain. Even with a padlock or other weight attached to the end (like the example to the left), it will take quite a bit of practice and accuracy to consistently hit the temple with the weight and not the chain. Even then, many hits may be needed to cause a severe enough fracture.
Chair
The chair is a weapon often seen in Old West bar brawls or used by plucky video game adventurers and anti-heroes when left without a weapon. While they work just fine being smashed over an extra's head, their weight and shape makes them awkward to use when trying to cause more damage than is needed to stun a human assailant. The ideal striking edge would be the end of a leg, but this is a small point on a large object.
Folding chairs have gotten much use in wrestling matches, but these are potentially even worse: aluminum folders are very light and flat when folded up into an ideal striking shape, with the most severe injuries usually being flesh wounds. To a zombie, a strike with a flat, light piece of aluminum or steel would barely even slow it down. While the leg of a folding chair HAS pierced through the eye socket all the way to the victim's neck, this was a freak accident that is unlikely to every happen again and both the victim and his sight were saved by surgeons.
Chair/table leg
Broken-off legs are a much more practical use for chairs and tables as weapons. They're often ideal shapes and sizes for improvised clubs, though often their weight will require multiple strikes to the temple to cause a fracture. Metal legs are possibly even superior, as they can often be simply screwed off of the table or chair (especially in schools) and are much more durable.
Guitar
While the picture shows a bass, the principal is the same. Acoustic guitars are terrible for causing anything more than pain to their victims, but solid body electrics can weigh as much as 7 pounds, similar to a purpose-made blunt weapon. When held by the neck, a strike with the edge of the guitar can certainly cause skull fractures to the temple. The most damning disadvantage is the neck: the necks are generally loosely attached to the guitar and a few swings can easily be enough to break the body right off.
Desk lamp
For many users the desk lamp will be one of the first items in reach for use as a quick weapon in a pinch. Unfortunately, these lamps are often very poor weapons. A jointed design will be inherently weaker than a solid body, causing them to easily break or change shape when smashed into a skull. Solid body designs are more sturdy, but actually causing damage to a zombie is highly unlikely.
Broom handle
Broom handles have been seen many times as improvised spears, made with either a sharpened tip or glass shards and knives taped to the end. Such a device can easily be an effective spear when stabbed up through the underside of the jaw, though polymer broom handles will generally be a better choice in the long run due to their lesser chance of cracking and breaking than wood. When kept as it is, a broom handle is essentially like a quarterstaff: good enough to keep a zombie at a distance, but nothing more. Skull fractures are VERY difficult to achieve with such thin, light material.
Stapler
Staplers are common fare in offices and schools around the globe, putting them in easy reach in case of a quick need of self-defense in these environments. While some staplers are made of metal and can be quite heavy, giving them a limited ability to cause skull fractures, most modern designs (the most common ones) are made of light, strong plastic. The light weight makes them essentially useless in combat. In both designs the joint is an inherent weak point where the stapler can risk breaking, especially if this end is used for striking (which it often will be, as it's usually the thickest end).
Rolling pin
The traditional rolling pin is made of wood, but marble designs can also be found. Both are fairly heavy and can certainly do damage with repeated skull hits, but aim to hit with the center roller, as it makes up almost all of the weight. As with any wooden weapon, check it for cracks (an odd buzzing sound on a strike is an indicator of a crack that will quickly turn your weapon into multiple pieces).
Computer monitor
Modern monitors are often flatscreen and useless for anything more than distracting your opponent while you find a better weapon, but the old designs that prevailed from the 90s until the late 2000s are quite heavy. Unfortunately, the plastic casing is nothing but a container for fragile components. Getting a kill would require multiple smashes to the head of a prone zombie, something quite difficult to accomplish. Along with being large and difficult to carry and swing, monitors are infamous for breaking to pieces simply when dropped.
Keyboard
Like the monitor, the keyboard is a quick first choice for immediate self-defense in the home or office. As a weapon, they're completely useless: the light plastic design makes it nearly impossible to cause more than bruises. The fact that they're often wired to the computer tower provides another disadvantage: you can easily pull your keyboard up from your desk to swing at an attacker and find that it won't lift more than a few feet from the desk!
Telephone
Cordless phones are nothing to an attacker and even corded phones like the one on the right are too light to do more than annoy, but old-style rotary phones made of metal can provide a quick source of defense against a single attacker: multiple smashes to the temple won't do much for the phone, but it can cause a skull fracture. It'll take a while, though, so look for better weapons first.
Darts
Darts can be found in a great many bars and pool halls across the globe, but anybody attempting to Shaun of the Dead their way out of a fight will find the darts having the same effect as Shaun himself experienced: sticking into a skull without even touching the brain. Darts will cause no more than minor flesh wounds unless they manage to hit directly on a blood vessel, making them nothing more than a distraction tactic against a human.
Fork
Forks are definitely sharp and can cause quite a bit of damage, but not to a zombie. While humans can be suffer stab wounds to blood vessels and the neck, even ragers will continue to attack while they bleed to death. Even if the fork is strong enough to penetrate the skull, the tines will likely cause no more than slightly brain damage.
Flashlights
The intimidating black Mag-Light often seen on the belts of police officers is often used as an improvised weapon in lieu of a club or baton for good reason: such designs are heavy and sturdy enough to be used as a club. It'll take multiple blows and may wreck your light depending on the design, but they're definitely useful when nothing else is at hand.
Letter opener
Letter openers come in many shapes and sizes, but this article only details the metal designs like the one to the right; electric openers work effectively like hitting someone with a computer monitor or toaster oven, while plastic, wood, and ivory designs are unlikely to have the durability or sharp tip to pierce a skull. The blade design is only good for stabbing, so take it through the temple or the underside of the jaw on its path to the brain. The blade is often similar in shape and length to a switchblade, making it similarly deadly against a human opponent.
Pool ball
Pool balls are rather heavy, as anybody who's set up a game can attest, and can be made of wood, clay, ivory, or (the more popular modern balls today) dense plastic. Throwing them won't do much more than scuff the walls and break noses, so if you're hard pressed for a weapon clutch them in your hand and swing for the temple. If you don't fracture the skull after several hits, it'll at least have a chance of knocking down your opponent.
Brick
Bricks, like rocks, have seen much use in gang fights and riots as improvised throwing weapons. A brick coming down on someone's head in the crowd is certainly capable of fracturing a skull, but it's unlikely that it would be enough to cause the brain damage necessary to kill a zombie instantly. As a hand weapon, some bricks can be quite awkward to swing due to their width. Pick one that's fairly narrow and swing for the temple and jaw for killing and disabling strikes.
Cinder block
Cinder blocks are a common sight on construction sites, making them a weapon in large quantities. Unfortunately, the size and weight makes them impractical or pointless to swing with one hand (depending on your strength) and slow to maneuver in almost all situations. The slow speed of the swing and lack of a handle to increase leverage makes it relatively difficult to score deadly blows against a zombie.
Glass shard
Glass shards have seen use in a number of media, including prominent use in the video game Manhunt. While modern safety glass crumbles into dull pellets and chunks, many windows and doors use glass that shatters into sharp, deadly shards. Before you plan on picking up some glass to make a shiv, find some duct tape or cloth to wrap around one end to make a handle. Obviously pick a piece that's not too wide, but also not so thin that it can be snapped in half with your bare hands. The biggest problem with glass is that if it's not so brittle that it break on a skull, your piece will likely break off when you move to pull it out. It works best on raiders and other human assailants, stabbed into the gut or neck.
Nail gun
There are many types of nail guns with different capacities, power, and propellant methods. Some can be carried on a belt while others are hooked up to a bulky air canister, making them quite difficult to move to a new location. All nail guns share the same problem of small projectiles: many people have shot themselves in the head with nail guns, either by accident or in an attempted suicide, and even a dozen nails in the brain has been known to be non-fatal and even non-disabling enough to allow the person to continue shooting himself. While the nails can penetrate at ranges up to 25 yards depending on the gun, the tiny projectile diameter and bulky size severely limits their usage.
IV pole
IV poles are often listed as an improvised weapon in responses to scenarios about waking up in the hospital after the zombie apocalypse has started, much like the beginning of 28 Days Later. IV poles are long, giving users a reach advantage, and the wide base makes them good for shoving assailants back. They're also usually the first weapon-like object available in a hospital room. The biggest disadvantage is their lack of power: IV poles are made of light metal, not enough to cause more than bruises and cuts, while the length makes them impractical to swing in tight spaces like hospital rooms and corridors. The best way to use a pole would be to use the wide, wheeled base to shove a zombie back and keep distance until you can find a superior weapon.
Scalpel
Scalpels and scissors are the two most effective weapons often found in hospitals, though that's not saying much. The first thing you'll notice upon picking up a scalpel is the extremely short blade, which would almost certainly fail to cause fatal brain damage. Scalpels are much better for cutting, making them fairly good for slicing blood vessels and slitting throats. But if you want the zombie dead and not simply bleeding, pick something else.
Syringe
Syringes can be found in large numbers in hospitals and clinics, and their mere image has sent many patients into terror. Needles in general are particularly poor weapons due to their tiny diameter, but syringes are easily some of the least effective of the bunch. Syringes have relatively short and fragile needles and little more than stiff plastic protecting it. If the needle makes it into the brain without breaking, it's far too thin to cause fatal damage.
Carts
Carts like the school AV cart seen to the left and crash carts found in hospitals are generally too heavy and bulky to lift and swing, though they could certainly do some damage if someone strong enough brought it down on a prone enemy's head. A better use for such carts would be rolling them into an enemy and pushing hard, causing him/her/it to fall. Tilt the car over on top of them and run to get a new weapon. They can also be pushed at incoming human enemies as a distraction, though this will only buy you a few seconds to run.
Bones
However you came across an arm or leg bone, the killing potential depends on the size: longer, heavier bones can easily be used as effective clubs, with the knob-like end acting similar to a weighted club. Swing for the temple and make sure to check it for cracks after using it for a while.
Paper cutter
The bladed arm of a paper cutter has seen appearances as a classroom improvised weapon, especially in the video game Condemned: Criminal Origins. The arm is sturdy if you remove it and will certainly last through a number of skull smacks, but don't be fooled by appearances: this is NOT a bladed weapon. The blade is very dull, only sharp enough to cut paper, making it act like a blunt weapon. While it could theoretically be sharpened enough to slice, you should be able to get a real blade by the time you get tools and time for sharpening.
Bucket
Buckets can be found virtually anywhere, but their usage is more of a distracting one that a lethal one. Even metal buckets are nearly impossible to strike a lethal blow with before the user becomes too tired to swing, while many modern buckets are made of plastic too fragile to stand on without bending. If you find yourself with nothing but a bucket on your hands, place it over the attacker's head; this will prevent the zombie from biting you and possibly make it at least slightly clumsier, while following up with a sharp blow on top will rattle a human assailant and leave him blind for the few crucial seconds needed to run.
Plates
China plates are often more painful to be hit by than they seem, but almost guaranteed to not be enough to cause more than annoying injuries. As a weapon the best usage for a plate would be to distract a human assailant with pain (and possibly flying plates). When broken, the shards can sometimes be sharp enough to jab into a neck, but be careful to wrap cloth or duct tape around one end to make a handle.
Saw blade
Saw blades have been seen in various media, Dead Rising especially, as throwing weapons. Unless you can throw harder than the average human with pinpoint accuracy, they'll be useless as anything other than a distraction. The teeth are sharp, but very short; they won't be able to get more than a tiny bit into the brain even if they penetrate the skull. There's also no place to hold it that doesn't have a sharp edge, making it almost as dangerous to the wielder as the target when used as a melee weapon.
Pizza cutter
Anybody who's spent effort trying to cut through a pizza with one of these things knows that pizza cutters are not particularly sharp. While they could cause lacerations, they're too dull and the blade moves too much on contact to be anything more than an annoyance to a zombie.
Bowling ball
Bowling balls are another popular weapon in Dead Rising, but don't be fooled by their weight. A 20 pound ball can easily smash a skull, but you probably won't be able to swing it fast enough to cause damage. A relatively light 6 pounder can be swung more easily, but the can only be gripped by three small finger holes. When picking an improvised weapon you often don't have the luxury of choosing the ideal one for yourself, so you will likely end up picking up a ball that's too heavy or has too small/too large finger holes to grip. Don't be surprised if you take a swing and the ball goes flying to the other end of the lane.
Umbrella
Umbrellas are similar to the IV pole or broom handle in that they're only good for distracting blows and keeping distance. When closed, an umbrella can be used to poke and cause bruises, but not much more. A hard shove to the gut or chest with an umbrella point is a good way to knock an unstable, uncoordinated zombie to the ground. Don't bother with opening it for better functionality: any ballistic or bladed weapons will tear it to shreds and it'll likely just fold if pressed too hard.
To put it lightly, sometimes stuff just doesn't go as planned.
Not everyone sits at their desk decked out in a full chest rig with a Glock, extra ammo, and three folding knives. Nor does everyone keep a loaded .40 with Federal Hydra Shock in their desk drawer or a massive knife collection on the back wall. Some people just aren't able to instantly access their weapons in case of immediate danger. Likewise, after the apocalypse you might end up with your weapons lost or destroyed and forced to defend yourself with whatever's at hand.
There have been a great many discussion threads about improvised weapons and how you'd defend yourself if zombies burst into your room right now. While many posts include firearms and knives, even more involve random objects quickly thrust into battle. This page is for those people who don't have access to true weapons in a time of need.
How to pick your weapon
Obviously the fact that you're using an improvised weapon means you don't have much choice in the matter; as they're not designed as weapons they're inherently going to be inferior in killing or stopping an assailant (human or otherwise) compared to a purpose-built weapon. However, there's still a few things you should look at when scanning a room for potential weapons. This can be hard to do under pressure, so practice entering an unfamiliar room (maybe have your friends scatter items randomly around) and timing yourself to try and pick objects that could be decent weapons in a pinch.
Weight: While you don't want to pick something so heavy that you're unable to lift it and swing it easily, blunt weapons are especially dependent on weight. A weapon that's too light won't be able to effectively damage the skull.
Materials: When you're looking at any kind of weapon, the material is important. Generally plastic household items are designed for light weight and strength in their daily usage, which makes them poor in any capacity that requires force. Wood is durable, but extended use can make it prone to cracking and breaking (though obviously you shouldn't be using it that much if it's improvised!). Metal is often a good bet, especially for smashing weapons.
Shape: Are you able to hold and swing the weapon easily? Something wide, flat, and heavy will be awkward at best even with both hands. At the same time, is the shape especially conducive to damage? A weighted end will be great for smashing bone, while a sharp point can cause nasty injuries.
Size: Size is often lumped together with weight, but this is not totally accurate. An object could be light and massive, like a cardboard cutout of a movie star. An object can also be heavy and very small, like a paperweight or gold brick. Even a lightweight large object can be awkward to hold and swing, and especially light objects find a new problem: air resistance. Try picking up a poster board and swinging it at full strength and you'll feel the air resistance pushing back.
Examples of improvised weapons
Scissors
Scissors are a weapon that commonly come up in discussions about improvised weapons, especially schools. Scissors certainly look like they're begging to be stabbed deep into zombie skull, but look closer at the blades: not a very sharp point on many models (especially the ones common in homes and schools) and a blade that would be considered uselessly dull on a knife or hatchet. As a stabbing weapon, scissors work best if stabbed up through the underside of the jaw into the bottom of the brain. Pick a model with relatively long blades for this task. If possible, remove one blade and sharpen it to form a pseudo-knife when lacking a real knife.Obviously, stay away from safety scissors; attempting to use the plastic-covered blades is like trying to stab with a sheathed knife.
Pen
Pens are another seemingly ideal weapon: simple to use, apparently sharp and thin enough to stab through the temple, extremely common, and small and light enough to carry multiple spares. Pens can be quite fragile when stabbing through something as hard as bone; cheap one-piece pens designed to be used and thrown away are at a great risk of bending, making stabs almost impossible after one or two hits, while click pens like the one seen to the left are a collection of loose parts held together in a stiff plastic casing. Click pens are less likely to bend, but the fragile mechanism can be jammed open or closed by a hard stab. While stabs to the eye are a popular method for amateur users, the eye is a very small target on a moving head. Stab upwards through the underside of the jaw into the brain or through the temple if planning on using them as a weapon.Pencil
Pencils are arguably the most common weapon described in classroom self-defense plans, for the good reason that they're sharp and literally all over the place in school. While an unsharpened tip is hardly dangerous to any living creature larger than a dog, a sharp pen is a wicked point that can easily cause injury. It's rumored that a CIA self-defense method involves clutching a pencil between the fingers and stabbing up through the underside of the jaw into the brain. Pencils have one severe disadvantage over pens, however: breakage. A relatively puny 4th grader can effortlessly snap a pencil's thin wood body in half with their bare hands, while sharp tips are known to break off when faced with stress far less than that caused by stabbing through bone. If you've got nothing else, make sure to carry plenty of spares. Like with pens, don't bother with eye stabs.Mechanical pencils are structurally stronger due to their plastic construction, but the sharp wood and graphite tip is replaced with a thin cylinder of graphite that takes almost no pressure to snap -- a single push from your pinky is enough. A mechanical pencil will act much like an unopened click pen: not very well.
Toilet lid
The lid from a toilet cistern earned a prominent place in zombie fighting history when Columbus used one in Zombieland to kill a zombie in his dorm room. These lids are made of heavy porcelain, thick and weighty enough to smash skulls with a few hits. Their weight also makes them a chore to carry around, so ideally you would be able to drop it for a superior weapon quickly. Also remember that just because it's thick doesn't mean it's not porcelain; dropping it or whacking it against a solid object (such as missing a swing and accidentally hitting a wall or the ground) can risk smashing it.Weights
Weights earned their place when they appeared in Dead Rising as a skull-smashing killer. Dumbbells are the most practical weapons in this category, ranging from 3 to 100 pounds. Smaller dumbbells are faster to swing, while heavier ones cause much more damage. If you frequent the gym or your school's weight room, pick a weight that can be swung and twisted with your wrist fairly easily while also having enough weight to cause damage (do NOT test this by swinging it at imaginary enemies unless you like causing property or person damage!).Barbells are a different matter, as they're exclusively two-handed polearms. The bar alone can weigh 45 or 50 pounds, making it slow and unwieldy for the majority of users. Their length also makes them difficult to use indoors. Adding weights to increase the damage will only make them even slower to swing.
If your gym provides disc weights, the best way to use them is to hold them like a Frisbee and smash them edge-first into the temple. If you try to throw them like a discus you'll quickly find that they're not particularly easy to connect with and likely won't hit with enough force to cause more than minor wounds.
Chain
Chains, especially bicycle chains, have earned a notorious reputation for their use in gang fights and beatdowns. Chains are far too varied to easily generalize, but one commonality is that they're generally not effective at causing the kind of skull damage to destroy the brain. Even with a padlock or other weight attached to the end (like the example to the left), it will take quite a bit of practice and accuracy to consistently hit the temple with the weight and not the chain. Even then, many hits may be needed to cause a severe enough fracture.Chair
The chair is a weapon often seen in Old West bar brawls or used by plucky video game adventurers and anti-heroes when left without a weapon. While they work just fine being smashed over an extra's head, their weight and shape makes them awkward to use when trying to cause more damage than is needed to stun a human assailant. The ideal striking edge would be the end of a leg, but this is a small point on a large object.Folding chairs have gotten much use in wrestling matches, but these are potentially even worse: aluminum folders are very light and flat when folded up into an ideal striking shape, with the most severe injuries usually being flesh wounds. To a zombie, a strike with a flat, light piece of aluminum or steel would barely even slow it down. While the leg of a folding chair HAS pierced through the eye socket all the way to the victim's neck, this was a freak accident that is unlikely to every happen again and both the victim and his sight were saved by surgeons.
Chair/table leg
Broken-off legs are a much more practical use for chairs and tables as weapons. They're often ideal shapes and sizes for improvised clubs, though often their weight will require multiple strikes to the temple to cause a fracture. Metal legs are possibly even superior, as they can often be simply screwed off of the table or chair (especially in schools) and are much more durable.Guitar
While the picture shows a bass, the principal is the same. Acoustic guitars are terrible for causing anything more than pain to their victims, but solid body electrics can weigh as much as 7 pounds, similar to a purpose-made blunt weapon. When held by the neck, a strike with the edge of the guitar can certainly cause skull fractures to the temple. The most damning disadvantage is the neck: the necks are generally loosely attached to the guitar and a few swings can easily be enough to break the body right off.Desk lamp
For many users the desk lamp will be one of the first items in reach for use as a quick weapon in a pinch. Unfortunately, these lamps are often very poor weapons. A jointed design will be inherently weaker than a solid body, causing them to easily break or change shape when smashed into a skull. Solid body designs are more sturdy, but actually causing damage to a zombie is highly unlikely.Broom handle
Broom handles have been seen many times as improvised spears, made with either a sharpened tip or glass shards and knives taped to the end. Such a device can easily be an effective spear when stabbed up through the underside of the jaw, though polymer broom handles will generally be a better choice in the long run due to their lesser chance of cracking and breaking than wood. When kept as it is, a broom handle is essentially like a quarterstaff: good enough to keep a zombie at a distance, but nothing more. Skull fractures are VERY difficult to achieve with such thin, light material.
Stapler
Staplers are common fare in offices and schools around the globe, putting them in easy reach in case of a quick need of self-defense in these environments. While some staplers are made of metal and can be quite heavy, giving them a limited ability to cause skull fractures, most modern designs (the most common ones) are made of light, strong plastic. The light weight makes them essentially useless in combat. In both designs the joint is an inherent weak point where the stapler can risk breaking, especially if this end is used for striking (which it often will be, as it's usually the thickest end).Rolling pin
The traditional rolling pin is made of wood, but marble designs can also be found. Both are fairly heavy and can certainly do damage with repeated skull hits, but aim to hit with the center roller, as it makes up almost all of the weight. As with any wooden weapon, check it for cracks (an odd buzzing sound on a strike is an indicator of a crack that will quickly turn your weapon into multiple pieces).Computer monitor
Modern monitors are often flatscreen and useless for anything more than distracting your opponent while you find a better weapon, but the old designs that prevailed from the 90s until the late 2000s are quite heavy. Unfortunately, the plastic casing is nothing but a container for fragile components. Getting a kill would require multiple smashes to the head of a prone zombie, something quite difficult to accomplish. Along with being large and difficult to carry and swing, monitors are infamous for breaking to pieces simply when dropped.Keyboard
Like the monitor, the keyboard is a quick first choice for immediate self-defense in the home or office. As a weapon, they're completely useless: the light plastic design makes it nearly impossible to cause more than bruises. The fact that they're often wired to the computer tower provides another disadvantage: you can easily pull your keyboard up from your desk to swing at an attacker and find that it won't lift more than a few feet from the desk!Telephone
Cordless phones are nothing to an attacker and even corded phones like the one on the right are too light to do more than annoy, but old-style rotary phones made of metal can provide a quick source of defense against a single attacker: multiple smashes to the temple won't do much for the phone, but it can cause a skull fracture. It'll take a while, though, so look for better weapons first.Darts
Darts can be found in a great many bars and pool halls across the globe, but anybody attempting to Shaun of the Dead their way out of a fight will find the darts having the same effect as Shaun himself experienced: sticking into a skull without even touching the brain. Darts will cause no more than minor flesh wounds unless they manage to hit directly on a blood vessel, making them nothing more than a distraction tactic against a human.Fork
Forks are definitely sharp and can cause quite a bit of damage, but not to a zombie. While humans can be suffer stab wounds to blood vessels and the neck, even ragers will continue to attack while they bleed to death. Even if the fork is strong enough to penetrate the skull, the tines will likely cause no more than slightly brain damage.Flashlights
The intimidating black Mag-Light often seen on the belts of police officers is often used as an improvised weapon in lieu of a club or baton for good reason: such designs are heavy and sturdy enough to be used as a club. It'll take multiple blows and may wreck your light depending on the design, but they're definitely useful when nothing else is at hand.Letter opener
Letter openers come in many shapes and sizes, but this article only details the metal designs like the one to the right; electric openers work effectively like hitting someone with a computer monitor or toaster oven, while plastic, wood, and ivory designs are unlikely to have the durability or sharp tip to pierce a skull. The blade design is only good for stabbing, so take it through the temple or the underside of the jaw on its path to the brain. The blade is often similar in shape and length to a switchblade, making it similarly deadly against a human opponent.Pool ball
Pool balls are rather heavy, as anybody who's set up a game can attest, and can be made of wood, clay, ivory, or (the more popular modern balls today) dense plastic. Throwing them won't do much more than scuff the walls and break noses, so if you're hard pressed for a weapon clutch them in your hand and swing for the temple. If you don't fracture the skull after several hits, it'll at least have a chance of knocking down your opponent.Brick
Bricks, like rocks, have seen much use in gang fights and riots as improvised throwing weapons. A brick coming down on someone's head in the crowd is certainly capable of fracturing a skull, but it's unlikely that it would be enough to cause the brain damage necessary to kill a zombie instantly. As a hand weapon, some bricks can be quite awkward to swing due to their width. Pick one that's fairly narrow and swing for the temple and jaw for killing and disabling strikes.Cinder block
Cinder blocks are a common sight on construction sites, making them a weapon in large quantities. Unfortunately, the size and weight makes them impractical or pointless to swing with one hand (depending on your strength) and slow to maneuver in almost all situations. The slow speed of the swing and lack of a handle to increase leverage makes it relatively difficult to score deadly blows against a zombie.
Glass shard
Glass shards have seen use in a number of media, including prominent use in the video game Manhunt. While modern safety glass crumbles into dull pellets and chunks, many windows and doors use glass that shatters into sharp, deadly shards. Before you plan on picking up some glass to make a shiv, find some duct tape or cloth to wrap around one end to make a handle. Obviously pick a piece that's not too wide, but also not so thin that it can be snapped in half with your bare hands. The biggest problem with glass is that if it's not so brittle that it break on a skull, your piece will likely break off when you move to pull it out. It works best on raiders and other human assailants, stabbed into the gut or neck.Nail gun
There are many types of nail guns with different capacities, power, and propellant methods. Some can be carried on a belt while others are hooked up to a bulky air canister, making them quite difficult to move to a new location. All nail guns share the same problem of small projectiles: many people have shot themselves in the head with nail guns, either by accident or in an attempted suicide, and even a dozen nails in the brain has been known to be non-fatal and even non-disabling enough to allow the person to continue shooting himself. While the nails can penetrate at ranges up to 25 yards depending on the gun, the tiny projectile diameter and bulky size severely limits their usage.IV pole
IV poles are often listed as an improvised weapon in responses to scenarios about waking up in the hospital after the zombie apocalypse has started, much like the beginning of 28 Days Later. IV poles are long, giving users a reach advantage, and the wide base makes them good for shoving assailants back. They're also usually the first weapon-like object available in a hospital room. The biggest disadvantage is their lack of power: IV poles are made of light metal, not enough to cause more than bruises and cuts, while the length makes them impractical to swing in tight spaces like hospital rooms and corridors. The best way to use a pole would be to use the wide, wheeled base to shove a zombie back and keep distance until you can find a superior weapon.
Scalpel
Scalpels and scissors are the two most effective weapons often found in hospitals, though that's not saying much. The first thing you'll notice upon picking up a scalpel is the extremely short blade, which would almost certainly fail to cause fatal brain damage. Scalpels are much better for cutting, making them fairly good for slicing blood vessels and slitting throats. But if you want the zombie dead and not simply bleeding, pick something else.Syringe
Syringes can be found in large numbers in hospitals and clinics, and their mere image has sent many patients into terror. Needles in general are particularly poor weapons due to their tiny diameter, but syringes are easily some of the least effective of the bunch. Syringes have relatively short and fragile needles and little more than stiff plastic protecting it. If the needle makes it into the brain without breaking, it's far too thin to cause fatal damage.Carts
Carts like the school AV cart seen to the left and crash carts found in hospitals are generally too heavy and bulky to lift and swing, though they could certainly do some damage if someone strong enough brought it down on a prone enemy's head. A better use for such carts would be rolling them into an enemy and pushing hard, causing him/her/it to fall. Tilt the car over on top of them and run to get a new weapon. They can also be pushed at incoming human enemies as a distraction, though this will only buy you a few seconds to run.Bones
However you came across an arm or leg bone, the killing potential depends on the size: longer, heavier bones can easily be used as effective clubs, with the knob-like end acting similar to a weighted club. Swing for the temple and make sure to check it for cracks after using it for a while.Paper cutter
The bladed arm of a paper cutter has seen appearances as a classroom improvised weapon, especially in the video game Condemned: Criminal Origins. The arm is sturdy if you remove it and will certainly last through a number of skull smacks, but don't be fooled by appearances: this is NOT a bladed weapon. The blade is very dull, only sharp enough to cut paper, making it act like a blunt weapon. While it could theoretically be sharpened enough to slice, you should be able to get a real blade by the time you get tools and time for sharpening.Bucket
Buckets can be found virtually anywhere, but their usage is more of a distracting one that a lethal one. Even metal buckets are nearly impossible to strike a lethal blow with before the user becomes too tired to swing, while many modern buckets are made of plastic too fragile to stand on without bending. If you find yourself with nothing but a bucket on your hands, place it over the attacker's head; this will prevent the zombie from biting you and possibly make it at least slightly clumsier, while following up with a sharp blow on top will rattle a human assailant and leave him blind for the few crucial seconds needed to run.Plates
China plates are often more painful to be hit by than they seem, but almost guaranteed to not be enough to cause more than annoying injuries. As a weapon the best usage for a plate would be to distract a human assailant with pain (and possibly flying plates). When broken, the shards can sometimes be sharp enough to jab into a neck, but be careful to wrap cloth or duct tape around one end to make a handle.Saw blade
Saw blades have been seen in various media, Dead Rising especially, as throwing weapons. Unless you can throw harder than the average human with pinpoint accuracy, they'll be useless as anything other than a distraction. The teeth are sharp, but very short; they won't be able to get more than a tiny bit into the brain even if they penetrate the skull. There's also no place to hold it that doesn't have a sharp edge, making it almost as dangerous to the wielder as the target when used as a melee weapon.Pizza cutter
Anybody who's spent effort trying to cut through a pizza with one of these things knows that pizza cutters are not particularly sharp. While they could cause lacerations, they're too dull and the blade moves too much on contact to be anything more than an annoyance to a zombie.Bowling ball
Bowling balls are another popular weapon in Dead Rising, but don't be fooled by their weight. A 20 pound ball can easily smash a skull, but you probably won't be able to swing it fast enough to cause damage. A relatively light 6 pounder can be swung more easily, but the can only be gripped by three small finger holes. When picking an improvised weapon you often don't have the luxury of choosing the ideal one for yourself, so you will likely end up picking up a ball that's too heavy or has too small/too large finger holes to grip. Don't be surprised if you take a swing and the ball goes flying to the other end of the lane.Umbrella
Umbrellas are similar to the IV pole or broom handle in that they're only good for distracting blows and keeping distance. When closed, an umbrella can be used to poke and cause bruises, but not much more. A hard shove to the gut or chest with an umbrella point is a good way to knock an unstable, uncoordinated zombie to the ground. Don't bother with opening it for better functionality: any ballistic or bladed weapons will tear it to shreds and it'll likely just fold if pressed too hard.
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| SngaporeOutbreak | Bar hammer | 8 | Aug 27 2011, 1:11 AM EDT by brandon_a_boyer | ||
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Thread started: Aug 20 2011, 10:41 AM EDT
Watch
Always have a sock in the pocket. As tough guys hanging out in pool bars in the 70's and 80s used to have a sock with them, it's a great weapon if you slip the billiard ball or another heavy object inside. This can, correctly used, fracture skulls. However, as for a Nunchaku, the traditional Japanese/Okinawa weapon, you should get some experience and training before you use it. Otherwise it might knock you out while it rebounds from a cracked zombie skull.
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| Forewarned76 | Langolier Whammer | 0 | Apr 21 2011, 8:17 PM EDT by Forewarned76 | ||
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Thread started: Apr 21 2011, 8:17 PM EDT
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If you've seen the Stephen King Movie, then you remember Bronson Pinchot getting clobbered by a taoster in a tablecloth...
I actually have a bit of a more practical take on this idea. 1: get yourself one of those heavy cloth laundry bags with the drawstring closure and the little plastic squeeze slider 2: find yourself a nice heavyweight, I recommend one of the pilate orbs, and set it in the middle of the bottom of the bag 3: Pull the bag tightly around the weight and cinch a knot in the slack cloth against it 4: Hold the Whammer by the knot and get a feel for the weapon before taking it into combat |
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