"Don't worry about me. I don't plan on strapping 20 lbs of plate carrying hardship around my middle. I've already got a few extra pounds of beer, fried chicken and cornbread holding me back the way it is.

I'll be the guy riding by at a canter on his horse tipping his hat to all the sweaty mall ninjas in thier urban cammo BDUs, over-filled BOBs, plate carriers and thier entire gun and sword collection strapped to their backs.

Yipppee ka ya and happy trails mother *******."

"And I'll happily zip by on a dual-sport crotchrocket. With all the bags and cases to hold what I need."

"*Timber scratches his head in confusion.*

You have a crotchrocket that can navigate in the forest, will travel through mud, crosses creeks and has no trouble going up almost vertical ditch banks? Because this ol' boy 'aint doin' pavement come Z-poc.

Besides I'm over 40. My crotch can't handle a rocket no more. "