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@@raoul |
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KalZion |
1. RE: Dark Quarantine
Jan 1 2009, 11:40 AM EST
Your paragraphs are too long. Can you break them up a little?
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Kelkesh12345 |
2. RE: Dark Quarantine
Jan 3 2009, 4:25 AM EST
Whoa, people actually read this? I know I need to break up the wall of text, its just I didnt think anyone was reading this so I kinda stopped caring about it. But I will fix it now.There is MUCH more to the story, I just havent uploaded it yet. Do you find this valuable? |
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ALMostFoul |
3. RE: Dark Quarantine
Jan 3 2009, 4:32 AM EST
Once you establish who the story is about , you don't need to bring up their names again unless there is a change in the point of view. A very good start though, lets see what else you have
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Kelkesh12345 |
4. RE: Dark Quarantine
Jan 3 2009, 5:01 PM EST
Just updated with Part 2, and I attempted to fix up the paragraphs.
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