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Location: Old Community Story: Part 6
Discussion: Revens Possible Part
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lordreven6 |
Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 1:37 PM EDT
WARNING: Possible Spoilers!i put Reven in as a possible inside man to deal with the fact the vaccine is going to be hard to get otherwise. also i just want to thank all the people who made the community story this far, so people like me can contribute to such a great story. Do you find this valuable?
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IrishHitman |
1. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 3:22 PM EDT
Eh, perhaps you should read the other parts."A convoy of raggedy battle worn vehicles come barreling down the road with an unmarked van in front." The convoy has tanks and APCs, they're not "raggedy"... "A convoy of raggedy battle worn vehicles come barreling down the road with an unmarked van in front. Good ole Joe does it again, and shoots the driver of the lead van. When the survivors get the hint, they jump out revealing foreign military outfits. I managed to shot 3 of the bastards just as they were getting out of the car." The Europeans wouldn't just drive up to the base with unarmoured vehicles in front. Nor would they get out while they're under fire. They are battle hardened veterans at this stage, they're not going to be that stupid. Rewrite your section or I'll delete it. Do you find this valuable? |
matt_will |
2. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 3:22 PM EDT
That was a good part you wrote. I'm glad someone else has decided to start writting. It's been a while since someone new has started writting. Remember about the CommunityStory wetpaint. There's a link to it at the top of the Part 5 page. Do you find this valuable? |
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IrishHitman |
3. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 3:27 PM EDT
"That was a good part you wrote. I'm glad someone else has decided to start writting. It's been a while since someone new has started writting.It would be a good part if he had bothered to read the other sections... Do you find this valuable? |
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IrishHitman |
4. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 3:30 PM EDT
By the way matt, good job on handling my characters.I'm impressed. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
5. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 9:12 PM EDT
i did read the other parts. 1) I was following matts story and he said a lead vans driver was taken out by an assault weapon. a sudden burst of gun fire can not destroy an armored car with bulletproof windshields. and remember, they are trying not to look suspicious2) yet again, in matts story they do just jump out, and 3 euros get killed. if you want to blame someone for minor details blame matt(but i still think its likely, because the vans would be a death trap, and only 3 died) Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
6. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 13 2009, 9:14 PM EDT
and another thing, they wernt near the base. if you read the whole thing, outer permiter, and long trip suggest a troop a good distance from the base.remember, they only know where the town is, not the base and they dont want to be an obvious target until the last second. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
7. heres the quote that states they are going to be Incognito
Jun 13 2009, 9:18 PM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 13 2009, 9:19 PM EDT
heres the quote"We’ll be heading for Arkansas soon. In smaller numbers," Tom stated to everyone, "it’s most likely they’ve got wind of us, and a battalion of European troops heading towards another facility is what they’ll expect next." Do you find this valuable? |
Nexus_Oblivion |
8. RE: heres the quote that states they are going to be Incognito
Jun 14 2009, 1:06 AM EDT
| Post edited: Jun 14 2009, 1:12 AM EDT
The reason I wrote the above dialog you’re quoting was for two reasons:1. To decrease the numbers so the CS could have a more survival horror feel. 1500+ troops while awesome, doesn’t really convey it. 2. Pine Bluff Arsenal was only supposed to have about a hundred to two hundred personnel so it could compensate for the small number of people heading there (think 90% US soldiers and 10% are scientists working on what is hopefully the cure). I was actually working on a part that dealt with number 2 but you’ve already posted something. Personally, I don’t really mind what you’ve written but we already had a facility with a large US Army count before. I'll wait and see what the other CS writers think before I make a Heather part. Do you find this valuable? |
3DayAsylum |
9. RE: heres the quote that states they are going to be Incognito
Jun 14 2009, 1:18 AM EDT
Which reminds me...Could you guys make a new, more realistic, version 2.1 of the Community story? It would be for all of us poor bastards who missed out on the beginning of the first one. Do you find this valuable? |
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Nexus_Oblivion |
10. RE: Ga-wha?
Jun 14 2009, 6:01 AM EDT
What do you mean 3Day? Like an entirely new and separate Community Story?Because speaking just for myself, I’m too lazy to write a new CS (plus I lack the literary skill to properly start something off). Maybe one of the other CS writers want to, or better yet, why don’t you begin the new Community Story? I'd certainly be a part of the new one. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
11. RE: heres the quote that states they are going to be Incognito
Jun 14 2009, 2:55 PM EDT
well yea i figured 20 people vs a hundred something military need an inside man. after all, with an inside man they could do it and it would be realistic.
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IrishHitman |
12. RE: heres the quote that states they are going to be Incognito
Jun 14 2009, 3:00 PM EDT
"The reason I wrote the above dialog you’re quoting was for two reasons:I'm not objecting to the plot as a whole, I'm complaining about the lack of consideration for the details of how the plot gets where it is. Reven's section is a poor explanation for the events, and does not take the characters into consideration at all. By all means, kill off three Europeans and their driver, but do it in a way that fits the context of the rest of the story. They stormed a heavily guarded US biological facility and came out on top. They're not going to be defeated in the manner described, as if they're green as St.Patrick's Day. I like the Community Story 2.1 idea. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
13. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 3:20 PM EDT
irish hitman, matt wrote that part. im not going to change a part that i did not write. i am not going to change matts story. i simply wrote the same story, but from a different perspective, if you have an issue with how the euros die, take it up with matt.
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IrishHitman |
14. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 5:47 PM EDT
"irish hitman, matt wrote that part. im not going to change a part that i did not write. i am not going to change matts story. i simply wrote the same story, but from a different perspective, if you have an issue with how the euros die, take it up with matt."No, it is exactly your part that describes how the US military came to attack the convoy. You describe the convoy as coming down the road and running straight into you. If that happened, the Europeans wouldn't be jumping out of their transport into fire. The only way the casualties described would happen would be a deliberate ambush by US forces on the convoy. That also fits into the character profile of all characters involved. If Tom and Freya knew of US forces prior to the engagement, they would be able to defeat the Americans utterly. An ambush makes that possibility much less likely, and so more realistic in the context of the story. Furthermore, Derek Washington's profile as a commander also favours ambushes and more unconventional tactics than merely running into the Europeans. If anything, Washington has shown a deliberate tendency to steer away from that sort of situation. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
15. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 7:41 PM EDT
you dont think the soldiers were just standing there, did ya? they were expecting people to rush to get the vaccine, so they were hiding in the woods on the sides of the road(also described in matts story) the area where the soldiers were was normal ambush spot. so they ambush everyone there(while still remaining hidden). now if they had known the euros were in that convoy, a lot more people would be dead early on. as it was, it was a normal ambush without rocket launchers or tanks. so it was a normal ambush zone, in which both partys were surprised(because if the army knew they were the euros then they would of been blown up, and if the euros knew the army was there, like you said the army would be mostly dead or it would of never happened) Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
16. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 7:54 PM EDT
of course i know why you infrenced the way you did, because of the fact your characters at first glance seemed to be mowed down, but if you looked at it from a completly non partial view, you would see that if the army truly knew that the euros were coming then they would be blown up by mines or rocket launchers and vice versa for the euros knowing about the army.so really, the euros did pretty well for a first encounter(but since they were caught off guard, and had limited numbers, the following conflicts didint go so well for them) Do you find this valuable? |
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Nexus_Oblivion |
17. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 8:20 PM EDT
After re-reading both lordreven and matt’s story.-The ambush happened 3 hours before they reached their destination. If that destination was Pine Bluff Arsenal, that means the survivors were no where near the perimeter of the army installation (PBA) given the time. They might have made it to the outskirts of Pine Bluff but they couldn’t be possibly be anywhere near PBA. I don’t like basing my argument on one sole fact but since I’m sick with swine flu-like symptoms, that right there is enough to contradict lordreven’s story. In the end, whether that point is good or not, you’ll have to change your story lordreven. You don’t have to interact with our characters just yet. You can give Reven more background info in your story or hint about how Reven might be an inside man. And why didn’t you mention the things you’ve been talking about in this thread in your story? You didn’t mention normal ambush zones in your story, so how is someone who is reading it going to know that’s an ambush zone? Also people won’t be rushing to get the vaccine because only those of a high military rank know that a vaccine is even being created. The survivors don’t really know themselves if the cure’s in PBA, it could be in Idaho. The reason they are even going to Pine Bluff Arsenal was because they were hoping to find a clue to where the vaccine might be. Anyway hopefully what I’m saying is making sense. I'm too sick to write what I would change in your story, lordreven but maybe Irish might spare his time if you're willing to change it. Otherwise I’m more than happy for IrishHitman to bring all of Tom’s Force into the story again (Irish, you can say this was Plan B or something =P) or (and I hope we don't have to) vote on whether we should delete your story. Do you find this valuable? |
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lordreven6 |
18. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 8:48 PM EDT
ok illl edit it a bit. and it will make it easier to understand why there werent any mines or anti vehicle weaponry.(because if it was completly expected by derek, then the convoy would of been blown up by mines, grenades, and anti-vehicle weaponry, unlike what matt wrote)
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Nexus_Oblivion |
19. RE: Revens Possible Part
Jun 14 2009, 9:12 PM EDT
Hmm, alright. But if your story still contradicts the point I made about the ambush as well as what IrishHitman's been saying, then you just wasted your time.
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