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Discussion: Total Rewrite
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John_234 |
Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 8:11 PM EST
| Post edited: Jan 26 2010, 12:51 AM EST
Looking back, this fiction was pretty poorly done. I've been revising all 4,500 words of it, adding quite a bit as well. I should have it done in a couple hours, will link it then.Can anybody swiss-cheese the existing story, for parts I should fix? Update: Finally finished. You can read it here (might be a delay for the update): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5420752/1/True_Rewards The text doubled from 4500 words to over 9000 (9294). That wasn't intentional, by the way. I'm experimenting with my writing, trying to make it easier to read, following a more standard paragraph structure. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Also added some notes onto the end. Do you find this valuable? |
survivortype |
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survivortype |
2. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 10:00 PM EST
| Post edited: Jan 18 2010, 10:15 PM EST
"A rare sight among what was mostly electric bicycles and scooters, the gas driven roar of the motorcycle was always a comforting sound."Sight or sound. Which is it? There are a few examples like this, but it's not the end of the world :) ...Okay, I read the whole thing. There's nothing there that the application of a little Strunk & White can't fix. I did a few double-takes trying to figure out what certain sentences meant, and there are a lot of single-word sentences (which would drive an English teacher to distraction, but could arguably be an element of your writing style), but nothing really jarring to the eye. Technical stuff aside, the story is pretty good. I look forward to the rewrite. Do you find this valuable? |
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John_234 |
3. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 11:21 PM EST
Nothing of the glaring plot holes?
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PedroAsani |
4. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 11:24 PM EST
"Nothing of the glaring plot holes?"Seems a fairly solid plot, I only skimmed most of it. Caught a couple of spelling errors. Normally we rail against the Wall-O-Text, but I think your writing might be a little too far the other way. Some of the fragments could be attached to the others. Do you find this valuable? |
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John_234 |
5. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 11:36 PM EST
"Seems a fairly solid plot, I only skimmed most of it. Caught a couple of spelling errors.One of the things that prompted me to rewrite was. A_G: "So, why'd he slaughter those people?" John: ".... Must rewrite, NOW." I've been told that too. Working on paragraph structure. 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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PedroAsani |
6. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 18 2010, 11:41 PM EST
I didn't read the original, but it seems fairly clear to me. Pointless destruction of art needs to be stopped. Good motive. I approve this message.
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John_234 |
7. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 26 2010, 12:53 AM EST
Updated, finally. See the link for the current version, it should update shortly.http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5420752/1/True_Rewards The one on the page is the older version. Do you find this valuable? |
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John_234 |
8. RE: Total Rewrite
Jan 26 2010, 7:26 PM EST
Updated again, now 9397 words.
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